Please Don't Say You Love Me
by lyslys31
Summary: Arizona is in Africa and Callie is not. What happens when Callie gets a call in the middle of the night? Post 7x07 Africa breakup.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So I'm going a little stir crazy waiting for this hiatus to end so I thought I would write a little something to calm my crazy. It's an oldie but goody. Enjoy :) **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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Callie stepped out of the steamy bathroom, her eyes red and raw from the tears she let flow freely and mix with the warm water that fell down around her. She mindlessly went through her nightly routine, slipping on the pajamas that had become a size too big for her, a stark illustration of all of the weight she had lost. After turning off the overhead light, she pulled back the covers and slipped into her painfully empty bed.

Empty. Just like she felt.

She couldn't even describe the emotions she felt anymore. Everything seemed to be consumed by the giant void that had formed inside of her.

It was crazy to think that just a few weeks ago that void was filled with the greatest thing Callie had ever experienced. Love, passion, and a weakness for butterfly covered scrub caps, all directed towards a certain blonde had completely enveloped her and made her feel more complete than she had in her entire life.

But now? Now she was empty, because all of those pieces were taken from her and whisked away faster than a plane to Malawi.

Work was the only thing keeping her afloat, but now even that wasn't enough. After spending a solid 50 hours at the hospital, Callie was finally sent home. Not that it felt like home anymore. Her home was now living halfway across the world and there was nothing she could do about it.

So instead there she sat, in her empty bed in her empty apartment feeling nothing but empty.

Just empty. Because feeling anything else simply hurt too much.

She was suddenly pulled from her thoughts when her cell phone began vibrating on the nightstand. Sitting up against the headboard, she turned on the lamp and answered the phone.

"Hello?" Even her voice sounded empty these days.

A few seconds passed in silence until finally, she heard a sad sigh from the other end of the line. "Calliope…"

And just like that she was full again as all of the emotions she had been trying to avoid came crashing into her all at once. "Arizona?"

"Yeah. Yeah it's me. I just- I got home and dialed your number before I even realized what I was doing, but then I didn't want to hang up. I um- I needed to hear your voice." Covering her mouth she paused to stifle the sob of relief that ripped through her body. "God, it's so good to hear your voice, Calliope."

As soon as the phone started ringing Arizona knew it was probably a mistake, but now she didn't even care. Because even just after two simple words, she knew it was worth all of the pain and confusion just to hear her love's voice one more time.

Callie ran a hand through her damp hair as her broken heart hammered in her chest. "It's-It's good to hear your voice too."

"Yeah? I was scared you weren't going to pick up. I thought you would be too mad to talk to me."

"I'm not mad. I'm just…"

"What?"

_Lost. Devastated. Broken._ Those words barely began to describe her life now.

"I'm just sad, Arizona."

Hearing Callie's trembling voice broke Arizona's heart all over again. She hated seeing her in pain, and she hated even more to be the reason for that pain. "I've only ever wanted to make you happy. I'm so sorry I can't do that anymore."

"Me too. Me too. I'm sorry I never even congratulated you. I never showed it, but I am so proud of you." She had every reason to play the victim here. She was the one who was left in an airport with no job, no home, no girlfriend, but after weeks of tears, heartache, and soul searching, Callie knew it wasn't that simple. That it takes two people to get to such a point.

And what did it matter who's fault it was anyway? She was here and Arizona was there. Casting blame wouldn't change that.

A silent moment passed as if the two women were taking it all in. Finally digesting what their lives had become. Closure was good. It was healthy even, but that didn't mean it doesn't hurt.

Brushing off a stray tear, the blonde finally broke the sad silence, "This is hard, isn't it?" Understatement of the year, she thought.

"Yeah. Yeah, this is hard." Not even when they had just begun dating were things this stressed or this awkward. "Um how- how are you?"

"I'm fine." Arizona replied. It had become her mantra over there, constantly telling herself that she was good, that she was fine. But saying it then had sounded just as flat and forged as it had the other ten thousand times she said it. She wondered if Callie could hear the lie in her voice too.

From her bed she looked around her small and empty bedroom. The tiny house she stayed in was nothing to be desired. It wasn't home, and it never would be. There was no warmth, or comfort, or love, and the moments where she wasn't surrounded by medicine were the hardest parts of her day. This was definitely not the way she envisioned her life turning out.

"Sometimes at night I dream about what our life would look like if- if I would have stayed. We'd have kids, all kinds of kids Calliope. And we'd live in a big house, and they would all be running around the backyard while you and I watched from the porch swing. I really wanted that life with you, Calliope. Please know that. I wanted it so much."

"I know, Arizona." The tears were now flowing freely down her tan cheeks. She dreamed about that life too. It had been so close it was nearly palpable. They almost really had it all.

Almost.

"Calliope I lov–"

"Please- Please don't say you love me." Callie's voice was a desperate plea.

"But I do, though."

Callie didn't even try to stop it as a sob broke through, and her body crumpled lower into the bed. Even though she could hear the love apparent in Arizona's voice, there was no way she could hear those three words. Not anymore.

Not when she couldn't say it back.

"I know you do, sweetheart." That was all that Callie could give her right now.

It wasn't that she didn't love Arizona. No, it was the complete opposite. Even thinking those three words seemed to tear through Callie's heart every time. She loved her more wholly and fiercely than she had ever loved anyone before, and Callie knew she always would.

So no, she couldn't say it back. Not when it hurt this much.

"Can I at least tell you that I miss you?"

Callie managed a sad smile through her tears, "I miss you too."

Arizona let out a heavy sigh as she ran her fingers over her heart-shaped necklace. This was it. This was goodbye. Hanging up that phone would be the hardest thing she ever had to do.

"It must be pretty late over there… I guess- I better let you go. Thank you for talking to me. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Of course. It means a lot to me too." Callie bit her trembling lip and waited for the blow to hit home.

"Goodbye Calliope." And there it was.

"Goodbye Arizona." _I love you too. _

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**Thoughts? **

**P.S. Who's excited for Grey's this Thursday?! Almost there!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sooo, this story was only going to be a one shot, but I decided to add some more to it. The new plan is to make it five or six chapters (because that is all I really have the attention span for). I know it has been a while, but hopefully someone is still out there that wants to read this. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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Callie closed the door to her apartment, hanging up her coat and purse before she collapsed onto the couch with a sigh. Tonight had been a bust. Her persistent friends had been trying to get her out of her depressive funk for months. After constantly rejecting everyone's random set ups and Mark's stupid palate cleanser, Callie finally agreed to go out on a date. The very next day Teddy set her up with a nurse from dermatology.

So she dressed up, went to dinner, and made small talk like she was expected to. Her date was kind, and pretty, and smart, but Callie's heart just wasn't in it. How could it be? She gave her whole heart to a perky blonde peds surgeon and has yet to get it back.

She did her best to pretend she was moving on, and at times she really wished she could. She never felt lonelier than she did now. Sure she had her friends at the hospital, but at the end of the day she went to bed alone with nothing left to do but think about everything that might have been. Never had she experienced a love so deep, and pure, and magical. How was she supposed to just let it go?

If only she knew how.

Callie grabbed her cell phone from the coffee table, ready to invite Mark over for some heavy drinking, when the phone started vibrating unexpectedly in her hand. She swiped the screen and put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

And just like in her dreams, the sweetest voice filled her ears – a voice she hadn't heard in over six months, "Hi, Callie."

"Arizona…" she whispered, her chest tight with emotion.

"Yeah, yeah it's me again." There was no denying the awkward silence that encompassed them – silence full of the bitter pain of two lovers who knew it would never be. Back during simpler times, the silences were close and comfortable. Back when they were happy and hopelessly in love.

If only that had been enough.

Callie ran a hand through her hair as she sunk lower into the couch, unable to determine if her night had taken a turn for the better or the worse. Arizona's last call had left her reeling for days. "I uh- I'm sorry I don't really know what to say." She offered awkwardly.

"It's okay. I know it's pretty out of the blue." She closed her eyes and took a breath. Even after all these months the sound of Callie's voice managed to calm Arizona. During her time with Callie, she had never felt more at peace. Lying alone at night, she often thought about the nights after the particularly tough cases, when she was certain the tiny coffins would haunt her dreams. Callie would wrap her in her arms and whisper sweet songs in her ear. She would place the softest kiss on her lips and remind her of all the kids she would save tomorrow. And once the tears were gone, Callie would worship her body in the most tender way she had ever experienced.

Callie kept her grounded. And even from a world away, Callie's voice was able to make Arizona feel more at peace than she had in half a year. She shouldn't have been so surprised; she loved Callie and she knew she always would. The dismal finality of their situation got the better of her sometimes.

"I'm going to be in Seattle for a few days." She stated rather abruptly. It definitely wasn't the speech she had practiced, but with Callie she never could stick to what she had planned.

"You're coming to Seattle? When?" That was the last thing Callie expected to hear from the woman on the other line.

Callie's voice was smooth and even, and Arizona was unable to gage her reaction. She considered it a success that the brunette hadn't hung up on her already.

"I arrive later this week. I am supposed to meet with some members of the Carter Maddison foundation to discuss my progress and the future plans for the grant."

An inarticulate "Oh" was all Callie could muster. Arizona was coming to Seattle. The thought alone both excited and unsettled her. She was in no way prepared for this.

"Yeah… I um- I know you're probably really busy, but I would really like to see you, Callie."

A few seconds of silence passed and Arizona wondered if Callie was still there.

"Yeah. I would like that too." Callie admitted before she could change her mind. It was either tell the truth or act indifferent to protect her heart, she chose the former. "I would really like that." Just the thought of it made her chest flutter in anticipation.

Arizona breathed a sigh of relief. "Great. So I'll uh- I'll call you when I get to Seattle?"

"Yeah. That sounds good."

"Okay, I'll see you soon, Callie."

"Bye, Arizona."

Although their interaction was short and brief, for the first time in six months, both women went to bed with a smile on their face.

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A few days later Callie sat down on the couch with a bowl of ice cream ready to catch up on all of the tv she had missed. It was her first day off in weeks and she was ready to take advantage of the much needed time to relax. Although she had only just woken up a couple hours ago, it was early afternoon and in her mind that made the sweet treat an acceptable breakfast.

Just as she was starting her third episode of New Girl, a knock sounded at her apartment door. Assuming it was just the mail man needing another signature, she gave no mind to her baggy loungewear and answered the door. What she found on the other side completely evaded all of her expectations.

"Arizona…"

"Hey," the blonde smiled timidly.

"I uh- I thought you were going to call when you got in…"

Her decision to visit Callie had been rash and probably unwise. She had planned to wait a few days before calling the brunette and inviting her to coffee or something equally as tame, but somehow on the way to her hotel she wound up here. Judging by Callie's stunned appearance, she probably should have thought it through more thoroughly.

Or thought it through at all.

She had been on autopilot after leaving the airport, and now she was at Callie's, her nerves shot and heart beating out of her chest.

Callie continued to look at her as she continued to panic, so she rambled. "I did say that. I know, but I just wanted to see you. And- and I know that it's selfish, but I didn't want to give you the chance to say no. So I didn't call, and now here I am… You look really pretty."

Callie just stared at her silently too stunned to make a move.

After another moment of silence passed, Arizona's shoulders sagged, and her gaze shifted to the floor. "Right. This was a stupid idea. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." She mumbled as she turned around and started down the hallway.

Arizona made it halfway down the hall before the shock passed and Callie finally registered the fleeing woman.

"Arizona stop!" she yelled as she chased the blonde down the hall.

Arizona froze immediately. She turned around slowly as Callie caught up to her. Her pale cheeks burned red with embarrassment and her watery blue eyes looked everywhere but at the woman standing in front of her.

"Where do you think you're going?

"I don't know. To check in to my hotel, I guess."

Callie smiled softly at Arizona, finally taking a second to really look at her. Her skin was darker, her hair lighter, and her collarbone seemed even more prominent on her thin frame. Her hair was thrown up into a messy bun, and her face was clean of any makeup. That paired with the backpack hanging from her left shoulder, it was obvious Arizona had come straight from the airport.

"Arizona, please come inside. You have got to be exhausted."

Blue eyes finally met brown as she offered a small smile. "Okay."

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**Thanks to all of you who have continued to read this after all this time! The next chapter is pretty much done, so it definitely won't be as long between updates. **

**Oh, and reviews are awesome! They definitely make me write faster :) **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Your responses to last chapter were awesome. Here is chapter 3. Enjoy :) **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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As they entered the apartment, Callie took Arizona's bag and set it on the coffee table. "Um- go ahead and have a seat. I'm gonna go grab us something to drink."

Nodding, Arizona turned toward the living room while Callie went to the kitchen. She glanced around the room and it was like she never left. Oh, how easy it would be to fall back into this life. Back into life with Callie. Back when everything made sense.

But she had lost that right the moment she left for Africa. She deserved to be alone after what she'd done, but that didn't make it any easier.

Arizona noticed the picture of them from their third date still sitting on the end table and smiled at the sweet memory it held. It was the first sunny day in Seattle in two weeks, and Callie took her hiking around one of the national parks. They held hands and chatted as they got to know one another. That day was the first time Arizona knew she had found something special.

Found someone special.

Callie was both charming and goofy, and had a contagious curiosity that left Arizona completely enamored. The way Callie looked at her that day, there wasn't a better feeling like it.

It was the same way she was looking at her now.

Callie had reentered the living room with two bottles of water, tearing Arizona from her memories. She set the water on the table and turned towards the blonde. "It's really good to see you."

Arizona nodded and smiled. "It's good to see you too."

There were no words to describe how good it felt. After months of separation, of lonely, tear filled nights, here she was back in the apartment with the woman she loved.

She was so close she could reach out and touch her.

"Can I- can I hug you?" she whispered.

Callie's heart clenched in her chest as she nodded. "Yeah."

Then Arizona's arms were around her. Their eyes closed as they breathed each other in. The familiarity nearly too much to bear. They stood there for what felt like minutes just being. And almost as if it was out of her control, Arizona turned her head and placed a delicate kiss to the base of Callie's neck.

They pulled apart slowly, faces flushed, breathing deeply. It was Callie who spoke first.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?"

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For hours they got lost in conversation, touching on work, friends, and Callie's research. Callie even filled Arizona in on the latest gossip at the hospital. Dinner was long gone, but they stayed at the table talking and drinking wine. It was surprising how easy it all felt, but then again it really wasn't. When you connect with another person so completely, so entirely, a part of that never goes away. It stays in you as a part of the million things that mold you. It holds you as the person you are today and shapes you into who you will be tomorrow.

The only subject they had yet to talk about was Africa, and Callie knew Arizona was avoiding it because of her. "You can talk about it, you know? Malawi. I want to hear about all the lives your changing. All the tiny humans you're saving."

Arizona looked at Callie surprised. She thought she was oblivious to her conscious avoidance. "You really want to hear about it?"

Callie smiled as she took a sip of her wine. "I do. I really am proud of you."

"Thank you. You don't know how much it means to hear you say that." Even then, Callie's opinion seemed to be the only one that mattered to her. Back when she won the award, all she wanted was for Callie to be proud of her and celebrate together. Hearing those words now warmed Arizona's heart.

"The clinic is helping so many people over there. We really are making a difference, Callie. And it feels really really good."

"I'm not surprised. You are truly talented, Arizona, and you deserve all of it."

Looking into brown eyes, Arizona saw nothing but sincerity and adoration. Callie's kindness never ceased to amaze her. "How are you so wonderful about all of this?" Arizona asked in awe.

Callie's arm reached across the table, her hand coming to rest on top of Arizona's as she gave a gentle squeeze. "I just want you to be happy."

Arizona regarded the warm hand on her own, and turned hers upwards to trace circles along the back of Callie's hand. _You make me happy._

Arizona pulled her hand back suddenly. This was all too comfortable, and she knew she would become too bold if she stayed any longer. She couldn't go there again. Not when she would be leaving in a few days.

"I should probably go." She stated as she stood from the table. "I still have to get checked into my hotel. Hopefully my luggage arrived there already."

Nodding, Callie stood up and followed Arizona out of the kitchen. "Thanks for stopping by, Arizona. It was really nice to talk to you."

Arizona turned around as she reached the apartment door. "Yeah it really was. So, I guess- I guess I'll see you."

Callie stood motionless, her voice soft as she spoke. Saying goodbye was proving to be harder than she expected. "Yeah. I'll see you."

As Arizona reached for the door knob, Callie stepped forward, her hands grabbing slim hips as she turned Arizona to face her. Without a word she dipped her head and kissed Arizona insistently. Arizona was here, standing in her apartment. She couldn't let her go without kissing her one more time. For all she knew, Arizona could be gone again tomorrow, so right now she would take whatever she could get.

Arizona responded instantly, her soft lips molding against Callie's. They kissed softly for a few seconds before Arizona pulled away and rested her forehead against Callie's. "What are you doing?" she questioned breathlessly.

Callie's hand found Arizona's face as she gently brushed her thumb across a flushed cheek. "I'm sorry. I just had to feel you one more time."

Arizona closed her eyes and sighed deeply. "Callie, I'll be leaving again." She practically pleaded.

"I know. Right now I just want any time I can have with you. Even if it is only one night."

Arizona opened her eyes to find brown ones staring intently, almost longingly. She had dreamed of this on numerous occasions. Of kissing Callie. Of feeling her once more. But never in her wildest dreams did she think she would ever have the chance again. And now they were standing so close she could feel Callie's breath on her face. Their closeness both frightened and excited her.

Taking a deep breath, Arizona reached up and brushed a lock of dark hair from Callie's face. Callie smiled at her touch, and Arizona couldn't fight it anymore. She didn't want to. So she pushed her hand into Callie's hair and pulled her mouth to hers. Responding immediately, Callie moaned as Arizona's mouth opened and her soft tongue swept across her lips. Tan hands found Arizona's hips once again as she pushed her up against the door and began trailing open kisses down her smooth neck. Tipping her head back to revel in Callie's kisses, Arizona's hands grabbed at her back pulling the brunette impossibly closer.

"Callie, I lov-"

"Don't." Callie breathed before crushing her lips into Arizona's. "Please don't. Just kiss me." She pleaded. If she could only have Arizona for one night she would take it, but she couldn't afford to open up those flood gates again.

Arizona complied, kissing her fiercely, choosing to lose herself in Callie without words. Fingers roamed and hands explored as they shared their own perfected dance that had become almost instinctual.

They made love several times before succumbing to sheer exhaustion. Sweaty and sated they lay tangled together in the middle of the bed, both completely at peace. Arizona lay asleep half on top of Callie. Her leg was tucked between Callie's thighs and her arm was draped across her waist.

Callie ran her hand along a pale back as she whispered, "Good night, Arizona." _I love you too._

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**Sooo lovelies, what do you guys think? Let me hear it! Thanks for reading! **


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